Grace Ruppert Senior Column
May 25, 2017
People have always asked me if I like being a twin and I always respond, “I guess. I mean, I don’t know any different.”
But honestly, I love being a twin. And I’m terrified about going to college without him because like I’ve always said, I’ve never not been with him.
It’s strange sharing an identity or being best friends with your brother, and I’m nervous about going to school and not having “my other half” with me.
It’s possible that I am having a small identity crisis, not because I’m not my own person, we’ve both been very successful in being our unique selves, but because I feel vulnerable without him.
I have more fears on top of the normal freshman anxiety as I head to college.
I fear that my friendships with my guy friends were just a byproduct of hanging out with Pierce’s friends. I fear that my excuse for not having a boyfriend (an intimidating twin) wasn’t legit. I fear that I will go to a party and miss my brother’s protection and conversations.
My biggest fear of all, though, is that I’m going to miss him too much. We both humorously panic when people ask us what we’re going to do next year without each other, but I think we both have real anxiety about it. We’ve done everything together and are each other’s best friends. It’s weird enough when we’re separated for more than a few days; months will feel like forever.
The one detail that I am trying to focus on so that I don’t face this vulnerability, is that Pierce and I have been able to simultaneously be a unit, but also our own individual persons. We have been able to create our independent lives that mesh easily, but I hope that our ability to be ourselves without the other is what will keep me, me. And that I won’t let my self-doubt become a reality in three months.
We have been able to be totally ourselves, but also ridiculously close. It’s the reason that we are such a good unit and why saying goodbye will be SO difficult.
Since we were little, we’ve had a special connection. Apparently my parents could never understand what I was mumbling and Pierce would act as my translator. I’m not sure if we have twin telepathy, but I think we’re on the same wavelength most of the time.
I’m counting on our affinity to keep us close next year. I know he will only be one phone call, facetime, funny Snapchat away, plus we’re only four hours apart.
While we’re both dreading having to split up and not “kill it” as a duo, we are looking forward to growing without the other and of course the reunions when we visit each other’s schools.
It’s cheesy and weird that I am so attached to my twin, but we’re closer than best friends. We’ve grown up together, done everything together, and spent WAY too much time together. I know we will both be just fine, but it will definitely take some time to adjust. How are you supposed to split up from your life partner and suddenly become “Grace who has a twin at Miami” when you’ve been “Grace, Pierce’s twin” all your life?
I dread and anticipate August 20, my departure date, and am desperately preparing how to say my hardest goodbye.
One of the best things about being close with your twin brother is you get close to his friends. His best friends are my best guy friends and vice versa for my friends. Although this has been awesome in high school, I’ve begun to worry that maybe I’m not a guy friend girl or “chill” enough to hang with guys.
For years I’ve been dismissing the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend and blaming it on the fact that boys were too nervous to make Pierce mad or defensive. That defense will not exist in a college of 7,000 kids and no twin brother. Am I going to find it easier or remain single?
My biggest fear of all though is that I’m going to miss him too much. We both humorously panic when people ask us what we’re going to do next year without each other, but I think we both have real anxiety about it. We’ve done everything together and are each other’s best friends. It’s weird enough when we’re separated for more than a few days, months will feel like forever. I won’t go “home” and see him everyday or drive to classes with him.
High school with a twin brother has been bizarre in some ways, but we’ve had a really great experience as a set of twins. We have lunch together, walked on the field for Homecoming court arm and arm, and are each other’s biggest supporters.
It’s cheesy and weird that I’m so attached to my twin, but we’re closer than best friends. We’ve grown up together, done everything together, and spent WAY too much time together.