When I look back at myself freshman year, not knowing anything and worried about not being able to fit in, I really can’t believe how far I have come. Middle school was a completely different experience from high school, my biggest issue then was if my spot would be saved at the
lunch table every day. I remember expecting the high school to be exactly like the movies. Where girls would wear dresses and purses every day
and students focused more on their social life than their studies. This led to super high standards and expectations of what these four years would bring. Not to say that these expectations weren’t met but I think I would do things differently if I could go back.

One of my biggest regrets was that I spent so much time caring about what other people thought of me. I was constantly thinking about how I acted and what I looked like hoping people wouldn’t judge me. Looking back I know how stupid that is but at the beginning of high school all everyone wants is to fit in.

I probably could blame it all on being a twin, and always feeling like it’s a competition, but I know that all of my overthinking came from my own insecurities. Even though swimming and water polo I always felt like I needed to be better, to prove to everyone that I was good at my sport. Through swimming, I struggled and I put more thought into what my teammates thought of me, what lane I was in, and if they were judging me based on my times. It also didn’t help that all of my friends and my sister were way faster than me. Even in water polo after a bad game, I was worried about how I would be perceived, focusing on others’ thoughts rather than my own.

My view on everything really started to change senior year. I have the pandemic to thank for that in some weird way because I’ve learned you can’t control anything, especially how people view you. Obviously, I still got pissed after a bad game or race but I’ve learned to focus my own thoughts instead of others.

Although high school wasn’t exactly how it is portrayed in the movies, the memories I have made I wouldn’t give up for anything and my only advice is to not worry about the stupid things.