If you’ve ever dealt with the frustration that comes with being told you’re “too insecure” then you’re in the right place. I believe insecurity is inevitable and something that takes effort and patience to overcome. Often, society promotes the idea that confidence is attractive but yet doesn’t explain the steps on how to achieve that. I believe confidence is not a quality that one is born with, but a trait one can acquire. Below are three steps on how to strengthen your confidence.

Staying true to yourself may sound vague, but a simplified definition would be doing what feels right.  An example of how I demonstrate this in my own life is by honoring my instincts. Say I wake up and think “I don’t feel like socializing today,” then I probably won’t go out of my way to talk to anyone. This is a better alternative than “fake it till you make it” because by faking emotions we are likely to feel angry or irritated because we are covering up the emotions we wish to express. This ties into confidence because when we fake personas we hold ourselves to higher standards and raise our stress which can lead to overthinking and insecurity. Overall, by listening to your mind and body, you will feel proud because you’re doing what makes you feel best and not what you think makes others proud.

Accepting insecurities is a difficult concept, but it’s worth contemplating. Often, humans label themselves and others based entirely on flaws. An example of this would be saying “I’m boring” or “she’s gossipy” instead of recognizing positive qualities like “I’m kind” or “She’s funny”. By creating labels, humans are likely to be reminded of their weaknesses which will cause insecurity and avolition. In order to overcome insecurity, we must accept our doubts. An example of accepting self-doubts would not mean neglecting your emotions but analyzing and prioritizing them. For example, if you think “I wish I was prettier,” analyze that thought. Why are you thinking this? Is it because of someone’s expectations of you? Is this expectation a fact or an assumption you’ve made? After addressing the issue, remind yourself it’s ok to have self-doubts and then allow yourself to move on. “It’s ok for me to be insecure, there is nothing I can do about it now, so I’m gonna focus my attention on something else”. If we run from our fears and beat ourselves up for having self-doubts, then we will only feel worse. Treat yourself how you’d treat a struggling friend, with sympathy and kindness. 

Noticing your strengths is another great way to learn how to self-validate. In order to identify your strengths, you can track patterns of confidence in your life. By identifying the times you are proud of yourself, you’ll be able to notice your strengths. By learning what makes you proud versus what makes others proud, you will find out more about your interests and can become confident in your true self.

Confidence is not granted only to people with the most success but is something that can be achieved by anyone. Self-communication and reflection will help you learn about your strengths, who you want to become, and how to be ok with feeling insecure, so be kind to yourself!