As the title says, I have learned that mother figures and female role models in my life come in all shapes and sizes.

 It was my mom’s 50th birthday two weeks ago, and throughout all of the reflecting and processing, I also began to feel immensely grateful for all of the other women in my life. My sister and I lost our mom 6 years ago. With all of the sadness and grief that comes out of loss, some good does, too. 

There were a lot of “niche” challenges my sister and I faced growing up without our mom. This is not to say that my Dad was absent from my life. He is probably the best dad ever, and I have him to thank for the person I’ve become today. Even as wise as my Dad is, he doesn’t know the first thing about makeup, nails, girl drama, or all of the other challenges girlhood brings.

 But throughout these challenges, I wasn’t alone. I had so many different women in my life, and this community taught me how to paint my nails, what clothes to wear, and why boys can be stupid sometimes.

There are probably at least 1000 people I could mention that have made some impact on my life, the same way my mom would have. I want to first directly shout out to all of my friends’ moms. Some of these girls I’ve known and their moms for over a decade, and others I’ve just met in the last couple of years. Nonetheless, they have all been there for me when I needed them. With school, drama, and other hardships, each of them has been there for me to share some of their motherly wisdom. 

As I go on with my high school career, there are a lot of “big moments” in front of me. And it’s hard not to feel a sense of sadness knowing that my mom won’t be there for those moments. One of those that I’m just now taking on is her not being alive to watch my tennis games. My mom loved tennis, and I’m sure she would have loved to watch my sister and me play. It’s sad that she’s not there, but there’s so many people that help make up for her absence.

 First, of course, my Dad. I vividly remember stalking his Life 360 as he sped so beyond the speed limit just to catch the last of my state’s matches. We lost to DCD, sure, but it didn’t matter because he was there to watch. Secondly are all of my other teammates’ moms. These women all have the same spirit and enthusiasm for the game that my mom did, and it’s great to have them rooting for the team.  

Finally, my mom’s friends from when she was alive were probably some of the funniest and kindest people I’ve ever met. Kelley Olsen, my mom’s friend from Florida, still sends Lucy and me birthday and Christmas gifts each year. She also tells me some of the mischief she and my mom got into when they were younger, that I probably wouldn’t have gotten to hear about. Andrea Siudara lost her dad at a young age too, and shared some of her knowledge she’s gained about it with me during a couple of beach walks. 

There’s probably 1000 other women I could mention. With all of this, I’m no stranger to the fact that family adjustments can be hard. The process is weird and no one actually knows how to go about it. One thing I do know is that there’s no downsizing.  Jordan, my stepmom, is a kind and strong woman who loves Lucy and me with her whole heart. She’s been at my side every step of the way and is endlessly supportive. 

But, I have learned and presumably so has any other kid with a new parent, that Jordan isn’t replacing my mom. In the words of Charity Bennet, she’s a “bonus mom.” Not something that takes away love in my life but adds to it. 

With all of my bragging about all of these awesome people in my life, I just want anyone else who is facing family adjustments or loss to know that good can and will come out of it. You are not alone, and never be afraid to seek support.